Bitterness & Forgiveness

Bitterness has many facets. It ultimately results in the lack of complete trust in God. Bitterness is when you are not listening to the remedy or cure for it from God’s Word. Bitterness can affect our body in a very unhealthy way. It is a long-standing resentment or the refusal to reconcile your differences with someone who has hurt you. Bitterness is having an unforgiving attitude, holding onto resentment and even harboring a hateful spirit.

What does God’s Word tell us to do with bitterness? “And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath (passionate anger which has been boiling up), and anger (indignation), and clamour (noisy screaming), and evil speaking (slander, defaming, cursing with words that hurt), be put away from you, with all malice (ill-will with intention to hurt): And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." - Ephesians 4: 30-32

The cure for bitterness (along with the rest of the negative actions mentioned above) comes in verse 32 of the above passage. “And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Believers in Christ are completely forgiven of all their sins; therefore, this is our motive of how we can forgive others (see Col. 2:13, Heb. 8:12, 10:17, 1 John 2:12, and Rev. 1:5)

Notice also in the above passage that Ephesians 4:30 commands us to "grieve not the Holy Spirit of God." When we are displaying these negative emotions, feelings, and actions of bitterness along with the other traits, we as believers are making the Holy Spirit inside of us sad. We grieve the Holy Spirit when filthy communication comes out of our mouths because our God is holy and pure. We grieve the Holy Spirit when we speak to someone in anger, argue with them, and when we hold ill-will towards them. All of these actions are grieving the Holy Spirit. This is not what God wants in our lives.

We are to be forgiving people always (no matter what the circumstance), because Jesus Christ has forgiven us for all of our sins! This notion is to be the measure of our forgiveness for Christ’s sake; He has forgiven you and me. In the Gospel of Matthew, we find an example of forgiveness. The Apostle Peter asks the Lord Jesus how often he should forgive someone who does him wrong; Christ answers and then gives a story to relate:

"Then came Peter to him (Jesus), and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents (about 16 million dollars). But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence (about 3 thousand dollars): and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye (carefully note this) from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses." - Matthew 18:21-35

Now, this is Godly counsel from God Himself on how we are to not only have compassion on others, but also to be forgiving people continually throughout our lives!

As believers, don't we have the power in the Holy Spirit to forgive anyone that has hurt us? Think about our perfect example Jesus: After Jesus was brutally beaten, ridiculed, and falsely accused, He looked on the crowd who had just done this to Him (and the very ones who consented to His harm), and He prayed to His father in Heaven, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34)

Refusal to forgive others is sinful. It grieves the Holy Spirit of God and could even cause God’s chastening (disciplining) hand into our lives. God has given each of us as Christians an unlimited "forgiveness pass" to all our mistakes and sins. As believers, we need to get right with God in our attitude and actions. “If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” - 1 John 1:9

Let's look at one example in the Bible of an individual who could have harbored bitterness towards man and God.  If you recall the story, Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers out of jealousy, but yet God turned a bad situation into good.  Joseph's brothers actually became his very own servants, and this passage below records how Joseph's father was hoping he wouldn't harbor bitterness; Joseph proves to be a humble and forgiving man of God. 

Joseph -

“And they sent a messenger unto Joseph, saying, Thy father did command before he died, saying, So shall ye say unto Joseph, Forgive, I pray thee now, the trespass of thy brethren, and their sin; for they did unto thee evil: and now, we pray thee, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of thy father. And Joseph wept when they spake unto him. And his brethren also went and fell down before his face; and they said, Behold, we be thy servants. And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God? But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive. Now therefore fear ye not: I will nourish you, and your little ones. And he comforted them, and spake kindly unto them.” - Genesis 50:16-21

Now please notice the last several sentences in the above passage. Joseph first poses a question to his brothers which is the primary focus of forgiveness; Josephs says, "Fear not: for am I in the place of God?" The meaning of this statement was that Joseph was proclaiming that judgment belongs to God. Joseph recognized God's place and authority, demonstrating he had the right attitude in order to forgive his brothers. We can learn from Joseph by realizing our need to commit every circumstance to God. The Lord is the Righteous Judge and He will repay. God will handle every situation in His due time.

Let me ask you to think about your own situation if you are harboring bitterness in life: Consider the following: Am I in the place of God? Am I in the place of bringing retribution? Am I in the place of bringing judgment? Am I in the place of bringing vengeance upon another person? God clearly states in His Word, "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord" - Romans 12:19. Therefore, we know it is not up to us to bring judgment or vengeance upon a person whom we may feel has wronged us. Judgment and vengeance belong to God; He will deal with every situation accordingly so that you can simply forgive and disregard.

God is always working behind the scenes. Satan may prepare a trap for the children of God but rest assured God can turn the tables on him.  We know that bitterness is not of God, and we know that forgiveness is in God's will.  So simply trust God and allow Him to handle all situations.

“Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” - Colossians 3:12-13